Health & Safety

Keeping peace in the family

By the Employee Assistance Program

After a tough day of work or school, the last thing families need is conflict and stress at home. Yet we often take our loved ones for granted and treat the people closest to us the worst. If we’ve had a bad day, it’s easy to take out our frustrations on our partner or children, and everyone suffers. If your home is a less than peaceful place, there are ways to make things better.

The parents and adults in the family are role models for the kids. Teaching children to listen to and respect everyone in the household means modeling the same behaviors.

Here are some ways to improve communication and keep peace in your family:

• Listen attentively with an open mind. Give the members of your family your full attention when they’re speaking and don’t interrupt.
• Have meals together as a family. Put the phones and tablets away during meals, and use this opportunity to catch up on how things are going with each member of the family.
• Avoid insults, sarcasm, and verbal or physical abuse. Take a “time-out” to cool down when you’re angry. In the heat of the moment, you may say things you don’t really mean. Take time to cool down if you feel you’re losing control of your emotions.
• Look for positives. Remember that most people are just trying to do their best. Your family members are no exception.
• Let the past go. Don’t bring up “old scores” from the past. It’s the fastest way to shut down communication about the issue at hand and create resentment.
• Be willing to forgive. We all make mistakes. Be willing to forgive and move on.
• Express your feelings and ask for what you need. People aren’t mind-readers. If you need help, ask. Let others know how you feel.
• Apologize when you’re wrong.
• Let go of the need to be right. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the need to be right, we fail to consider other options that will make everyone feel happier in the long run.
• Practice patience. Be as kind and patient with family members as you would be with friends.
• Perhaps most importantly, make time to reconnect and have fun as a family. Create an adventure together, celebrate traditions, and don’t sweat the small stuff.

California Department of Human Resources
Employee Assistance Program
1-866-EAP-4SOC (1-866-327-4762)
TTY users should call: 1-800-424-6117
www.eap.calhr.ca.gov